Keeping the Sacred Flame

Of all the people in the world, the one we most have to learn to live with is ourselves. There is no other relationship that is as important.

In a lot of ways this looks obvious. Of course we take care of ourselves. Of course we live with ourselves. How else would we live?

And yet, it’s not something usually spoken about. We do not have a relationship with ourself, that’s just weird. We are ourselves. A relationship requires give and take, exchange, all the things that happen between two or more. Not one.

And yet…

And yet.

We do give things to ourselves. We even say as much, that something is a present for ourself or that we are making or giving something to ourself. We have hobbies that we do simply to enrich our souls. All these things are part of our relationship with ourself.

And they are important. No one else will ever take care of you the way you do. When we trade time for ourself for time to someone else, we are sacrificing something. Which is not to say we shouldn’t – as I write this, I am planning to go out to my knitting group for the night. We all do things with other people, for other people. Community is built upon reciprocity. But I recognize that there is a cost and what it is. I accept it – but I also recognize it.

So we have to live with ourselves, and accept ourselves, and love ourselves. And give ourselves time. How?

Well, that’s tricker. Every person has to figure that out for themselves. Personally, I like knitting while watching science documentaries. My husband in the same situation would go mad. He loves to tinker with his model railroad, while I have no interest in railroads whatsoever. When we give ourselves the time for these hobbies, we enrich ourselves and become better people. When we find ourselves without time or energy for those things we love, we become cranky.

That is not the same thing as those things we need to do because having them undone irritates us. I don’t like doing dishes, but I like a dirty kitchen even less. Cleaning therefore has to happen, but it does not enrich us. It just keeps us from sinking. That is important. Equating the two can put a person in a pattern where they feel like they’re always taking care of themselves and yet still feel miserable. Truly caring for oneself does not lead to stasis, it leads to growth.

I recognize that hobbies are a luxury. Spending money on hobbies is money that cannot be spent on survival. Time spent on hobbies is time that cannot be spent doing something “productive.” But since when is productivity the best judge of what matters?

I do not knit because it’s productive. If all I wanted was socks, I’d go buy a whole pack of them for probably half the cost of the yarn for a single sock. But knitting makes me a better person. It enriches me. It feeds my soul. Productive is not the only rubric to live by. Money is not the only thing that matters.

Find what enriches you, and feed your soul.

As some of you know, I am working on a comprehensive Flamekeeping philosophy/theology book.  To this end, I have finally created an outline, posted below.

I welcome comments, additions, anything else you think belongs that I’ve missed.  I will also (hopefully) be keeping track and checking off the things that I’ve written, so you can watch as it gets closer to completion!

Pieces of the book may be posted here or at the Cauldron, as I see fit at the time, for critique.  Others won’t be.  Mostly depending on whether or not I want comments on that piece at the time.  So don’t be surprised by things that get marked off but never appear in public space.

FlameKeeping outline

• What is Flamekeeping
  • Definition of terms – explanation of chosen metaphors
    • soul flame
    • bright flame
    • dark flame
    • flame balancing
  • Why future focus
    • Where we’re going and why we want to go there
    • how technology changes philosophy
    • love of science and progress
      • intelligent and careful progress
  • Religion and Flamekeeping
    • Combining philosophy and religion
    • overlap and contrast
    • looking for the Divine in the world
  • polyvalent truth
  • No such thing as ultimate answers
  • the right to be wrong
  • I don’t know
• Inward look
  • Why how we treat ourselves matters
    • Ways to be gentle to ourselves
    • Why we celebrate ourselves
  • The difference between selfish and self-nurture
  • Coping with uncertainty
    • Life changes
  • coping with loss
  • experiencing joy
  • sustainable living
    • maintaining our environment
    • lifelong learning
    • meaningful employment
• Looking Outwards
  • treating each other
    • living with people
  • coping with conflict
    • victim blaming
  • ends and means
  • parenting
    • nurturing children
    • the next generation
• Community
  • differing beliefs, common goals
  • compromise
    • shades of gray
  • Equality for all
  • multiculturalism
• Divine Living
  • Finding Divine in ourselves
  • Finding Divine in others
  • Divine Children
  • Creating goals
  • moving forwards
• Becoming Phoenix
  • Ultimate goals – living up to potential
  • Stories of what may be

There are so many things we can be.  The possibilities spread out before us when we’re children, and we slowly whittle them down to a handful of possibilities when we grow up.  And even still, sometimes we find ourselves on a path we never expected.

We have a right and a need to explore these paths, to find our truest selves, to be the best we can be.  And yes, there will always be obstacles to these paths.  There’s never enough money, enough time, enough energy to explore them all.  We have to make choices.

We have to make choices.  But we need to make them fearlessly.  And, more, we need to make sure we are not standing in the way of other people’s choices.

We all have gifts and skills to grant the Divine.  But when we are blocked, not by lack of ability but by prejudice and arrogance, the Divine itself is blocked.  When people stand in our way by declaring us uppity and undeserving not through our own lack but because of our background, they deny the Divine itself.

And when we stand in people’s way and deny them and their Divine selves, we deny the universe of what they could have been.  Perhaps it’s a path they could not have completed anyway.  But that is their own choice to attempt – not ours to deny.  Not because of things that have no bearing on the subject.  (Denying someone admittance to a science program because they cannot do the science only makes sense.  Denying them because they come from a bad school does not).

Imagine what the would could be like if everyone was given a chance to be everything they could be, instead of giving only the children of the richest that opportunity.  Imagine what humanity could be.

Questions:
How do you stand in other people’s way?  Is it valid gatekeeping?  Or is it something else?
How do others stand in your way?  How do you deal with that?
What would you do if there were no barriers?

One of the first Truths I heard, I took from a science fiction show.  Babylon 5, to be specific.  One of the characters was talking about us being star-stuff, and the universe examining itself.

I took that piece of truth and ran home with it.  And sat on it.

There’s an instinct when presented with a piece of Truth to want to hoard it.  We find it and we cuddle it close, or bury it like a squirrel with an acorn.  Then we guard it, keeping it from getting away.

But Truth does not thrive in the soil or hidden under the couch.  It’s not an acorn.  And Truth does best when we share it, live it.  Understand it.  We can’t take what we know and hide it away and pretend we’re living it.  We have to live Truth actively.  We have to share it, not with words, but with lifestyle.  We have to make it available to other people if they want it.

As well, we have to be open to other pieces of Truth, and not just cling to the piece we have.  It’s not enough to have ONE piece.  There are an infinite number of pieces out there, and we all cobble them together and try to find a whole.  When we cling to one piece and deny other people’s Truths, we deny the universe itself.

Questions:
What pieces of Truth do you have?
What do you do with what you have?
How do you keep from hoarding Truth and blocking out more?

What is a prophet?  Someone that communicates with the Divine and looks into the future, predicting events from what is happening at the moment.  Someone that sees more than just what is obvious.

Someone that is willing to speak instead of be silent when they see a future they don’t like coming.

FlameKeeping should be a religion of prophets.  Not one – not me, speaking the truth once and forever held invioble after.  No – I am one voice of many.  I may be first, but my voice is not stronger or better than those that come after me.  I build this upon a synthesis of what has come before, and what comes after me will be a similar synthesis.

That’s not to say the old should just be thrown away for the sake of newness.  There needs to be a balance and intelligent thought put into what is kept and what is updated.  But updating happens.  Synthesis happens.  And we all have within us the ability to be a prophet and speak the truth, if we are willing to take that risk, that holy calling.

Be a prophet.  See the truth.  Speak the truth.

Live the truth.

Questions:
How do you speak truth in your life?  How do you avoid it?
What are the consequences for speaking truth?
What are the consequences for being silent?

Education is the foundation upon which we build ourselves.  If we do not have the knowledge at the bottom, we cannot build ourselves well, because we are lacking the structure we need.

This is not to say we need to know everything before we start to create ourselves.  That’s impossible.  But we must continue to learn, continue to explore the world around us.  And we must make learning something that is available for everyone, FlameKeeper or not, so that the Divine can learn and grow.  Just as we build ourselves on what we know, so does the Divine.

When learning is the enemy, we deny ourselves the chance to grow.  When our schools are nothing more than warehouses for children, we cheat them their future.  Education is the basis for everything.  When people are encouraged to seek information on their own and grow by their own choice, the world changes.

Education and learning isn’t simply something we do for ourselves.  When we learn and grow, and share what we know freely and with kindness instead of as a cudgel, we can improve the Divine.  Without knowledge, what we do is merely flailing in the wilderness – even if it turns out to be the right choice, we won’t know why.

Questions:
How do you encourage learning in your own life?
What do you think of education?  Is it a necessary evil or something you seek out?
What’s something you want to know and do not?  Seek it out and try to learn about it, then share what you know with someone else.

There is a belief in this society that we need to be individuals above all else.  We must pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and stride out into the jungle and bring home the bacon and whatever other metaphor I can mix in there.

It’s a lie.

We are a communal species.  We might not always agree and we might not always like what we are, but we are a communal species above all else.  Without other people, we are not fully human.

So what does this mean?  It means we have to engage with other people intelligently.  We can’t just say that they’re there to serve us.  Every person is Divine.  Every person has needs and desires and wants to be treated well.  When we treat other people well, we deepen our community.  When we treat people as items, we damage it.

Which is not to say that we can’t protect ourselves against those that would destroy our community.  But we cannot act preemptively to close people out of community to protect ourselves.  A person alone, a group alone, they are dangerous because they are needing.  We must be welcoming to those that need people, for we need people ourselves.

Be open.  Not stupid – but open.

Questions:
How can you be open to other people?  Are you?
How do you close yourself off from people?  Is this healthy?
Who do you treat as an object and why?

She sits at a computer, cast in profile. She’s wearing flannel pajamas covered with atoms, gavels, roses and wallets. She’s wearing soft pink slippers on her feet and a wry smile upon her face. The room echoes with a dark flame.

Meaning: The Writer is internal power over internal causes, as the Scientist is internal power over external objects. It is a card of mastery and introspection.

Upright, this is a card of power over oneself. It’s drawing forth one’s inner power to create, not for others but for oneself. It is, however, a sign of exclusion as well. There is nothing for the writer but the computer and herself.

Reversed, the card’s meaning is one of isolation for the sake of control. The outside world is cast away for the sake of holding control over what is inside. It is the kind of isolation that can lead to madness, for the illusion of control can overcome the reality of the outside world.

An old man stands by a snow-covered woodpile, shivering and glaring at it. In the background is a brightly lit house with someone reading on a couch by the window.

Meaning: This is the person that clings to what has been done without regard to whether it’s the best way or not. This way usually works in some fashion, but it’s often the long way around at best.

Reversed it’s a sign of being blinded to the reality of the situation. Upright it’s a way that works – reversed it’s a way that holds to the past but denies the present.

She stands in a lab coat, half-turned away from the her desk in the foreground. She’s taking notes on something half out of sight. On her desk in the foreground is a gavel crossed with a rose and a wallet with a hydrogen atom sitting on top of it. The scientist is silhouetted by a dark flame.

Meaning: The scientist is a person in control of the situation.  All the major building blocks are in front of her, and she studies them.  A scientist studies and finds meaning in what’s in front of her.

The dark flame behind the scientist speaks to the fact that it is a card of introspection, not outward motion.  Objects of power are on the desk, but not in use.  But they are available to be used if needed.

This is a card of the power of introspection.  It is a place of control and mastery of the world with the mind.  It can be a sign of control.  When reversed, it can be a sign of inertia – of focusing on the problem instead of doing something about it.

I’m going to start a series of essays about tarot cards and my personal interpretation of them.  They can be used for seeing the future, of course, but I like to see them as ways to explore myself.  As such, that will be the interpretation I use here.  The descriptions of the artwork comes from my head, not a published deck, as are the names of the cards.  This is the deck I would make if I could draw anything other than lopsided stick-figures.  The images are modern because that’s what I see.  Anyone that wants to make this deck, talk to me – I’m interested.

0 – The Dancer

First of the deck, the Dancer stands on one foot, stretching up to a butterfly.  He wears toy butterfly wings upon his back, caught mid-leap.  He stands by the edge of a cliff, not leaning over the edge but not keeping back, either.  The safety railing on the cliffside is bent and unsturdy.  We cannot see his face.

Meaning: The Dancer is someone that’s not caring about the future.  It’s a place of stillness and yet dancing, a time of exploration and joy.  But the cliff is still there, and there’s a chance that he may go over the edge of it.

This card is a time of both joy and warning.  It can be a statement to enjoy the moment, as the Dancer does with the butterfly.  But it’s also a warning to pay attention, because we’re next to a cliff and our wings are made of paper.  If we’re aware our wings are fake, it’s safe to enjoy and dance with one eye on the cliff.  But when we believe our wings will hold us, we’re dancing with disaster.

Both lessons of the Dancer are important: to let go, and to hold on.  Which one does the Dancer say to you?

When have we done enough?  At what point can we look at the world around us and say “this I have done, and it is good.  I’m finished.”

There’s no such thing.  There’s always more to do, until the world is perfect – and that’s impossible.  So “enough” is a moving target, and it’s always farther than where we are.

Is this a bad thing?  I don’t think so.  I think it’s part of life, and even a good part.  It gives us reason to move, to work, to try and strive.  It is what we are.  But it means we cannot say that we are done, we are finished.

It’s easy to say we’ve done enough.  And sometimes, we need to take a break, to give ourselves a chance to reflect and rest.  But we need to come out of that reflection and resting and move forward again to make the world better.

It’s never enough.  But every bit helps more than we can ever imagine.

Questions:
What do you do to make things better?
What would you like to see done?  How and why?
What is the biggest obstacle you face towards doing?

There are those that choose to give their lives, either for a time or for their entire career, in the public sector.  They ask for us to vote for them, to choose one over another to give our power to.  But how do we choose?  What do we ask of those that we give power to?

This is not a small decision.  It can seem trivial.  After all, it’s only one vote against the entire system.  It’s only five minutes compared to four years.  And the corporations/special interests/parties rule everything anyway, right?

Wrong.  This is our government.  This is our power, and we have a right to it.  These people work for us.  We are their employers, and we have a right to demand that they work for us and do their jobs.  We have a right to examine their work and be sure they are doing what we want.

And what if we choose to give our lives in service?  This is an honorable task.  It is a life that will forever be rife with compromise and being unable to do what you desire, because one person cannot rule.  But it is honorable to do, if you give in service.  If your goal is power to rule, that is not honorable.  The goal is to serve, not to rule.  Those that wish to rule have no place in a democracy.  And this is not a place to pick someone because we like them personally.  This is a place for those we respect, those that are better than average.  We are giving our power to these people.  Shouldn’t it go to those that are more qualified to hold it?

Questions:
What does service mean to you?
Could you serve the public?  How?  (there are ways other than government!)  Who is your public?
What do you look for in an elected leader?  Why?

We live our lives running from one crisis to another, one part of our lives to another.  But we don’t often take the time to step back and really think about who we are.

So I ask.  Who are you?  When no one else is there, what labels do you think apply to you?  Do other people agree?  Do you like what you see?  What would you change, if you could?

Every so often, it is necessary to come back to the self.  To examine yourself in the mirror of your mind and see if your spirit is as you’d like it to be.  Most people check a mirror daily to make sure their appearance is as perfect as possible.  Why, then, do we not use an internal mirror to view ourselves as well?

Take a moment.  Look into yourself.  Do you like what you see?  Why?  Why not?

Sometimes we want vengeance. Someone has done something horrible to us, and there is no way to cope with it in our regular lives. We want to punish the person as we feel we were hurt. We want to strike out.

This is a reasonable emotion – but it is not a reasonable action. It is necessary, hard as it is, to take a step back. To think, to hold back action.

We want to respond in white-hot temper. We want to make other people suffer. But that solves nothing. Another person’s pain does not end one’s own. It does not change the past. Pain only adds to pain, and when someone is hit with pain, the best response is to end the cycle. It is hard to do. For some, it is impossible. But causing more pain solves nothing.

There is no advantage to adding to the pain in the world. There is pain enough. There is no payment for pain you cause another – and there is no payment for the pain someone causes you. So to attempt to exact payment with more pain solves nothing.

Questions:
When do you want to cause pain? Why?
What does “paying enough for what he did” mean to you? Why?
Do you feel that vengeance is a proper act? Do you accept it when others behave with vengeance towards you?

People speak sometimes of freedom, as though there is an absolute type of freedom to desire. And that if anything stands in the way of that freedom, it is wrong.

But freedom is always curtailed. Life has limits, and there is no way to avoid them. I cannot flap my arms and fly. I cannot run through the streets in the middle of winter without clothing without freezing. I cannot attack people without provocation without suffering consequences. In all things, I am embedded in a society, in a world full of other people and physical laws, and I cannot change that.

So what is freedom? What is justifiable, and what is extreme constraint? Where is the line?

Constraints are part of life. We are part of a society, and have to behave as such. What matters is that the constraints we place on each other, as a society, are reasonable ones. Not everyone can be the best at something. Not everyone can be first in a race. But that doesn’t mean that everyone shouldn’t have a chance to compete fairly.

What is fair, then? That’s hard to say. It isn’t everyone being forced into equality. It isn’t removing distinctions between people. It’s celebrating and encouraging the best of each person, and finding a way to reward them for what they do. It’s recognizing that we all have to work and live together, and embracing those that do the lowest jobs, not just the highest.

What is freedom? It’s the ability to work towards what makes us the best people we can be and enriches the universe as best we can. It’s the ability to live without undue constraint, without forcing such constraint upon others. It is living in community. It is accepting what cannot bend, and living as best as we can within what will.

Freedom is important. We need the ability to choose between right and wrong, to choose for ourselves what kind of life we wish for and strive for. But freedom is not absolute. Simply enough.

Questions:
What are your constraints? Why?
What would you do if freedom was absolute? What makes that different?
In an optimal world, what would be acceptable constraints upon people?

Honesty is important.  But how and why one is honest is also important.  One can use honesty as a weapon or as a way to make communication work better between people.  When honesty is a weapon, it’s being used incorrectly.

“I’m just being honest” “I’m a straight-shooter” “I’m just saying it like it is” – these are all words we use when honesty is our weapon.  They’re ways of saying “yes, these things are awful, but they’re true so you have to live with it”.  It’s using honesty to hurt people, and that’s a misuse of honesty.

Communication is powerful.  The same discussion can be loving or hurtful, depending on how it’s done.  The same truth can be used as a weapon or as a place of deepening conversation between people.

We have to ask ourselves sometimes, why are we telling someone this?  Is it because we care, or is it because we want to hurt someone?  Are we being truthful because it’s the right thing to do or because we cannot be blamed for it later?

Honesty is important.  When we are honest, we can deepen our understanding of ourselves and each other, and grow as people.  But when honesty is used as a weapon, it shrinks us and lessens the truth and the person delivering it.

Questions:
How do you use honesty?  Why?
How can honesty make you grow as a person?
How can honesty make you shrink?

So, it is good to be great-souled.  But how does one do that?

It’s hard work.  It’s a matter of choice, and a matter of effort.  Our souls grow by caring for those around us.  And that does not mean caring only for those we like.  It is easy to care for those we already love, for those we rely on, and for those that rely on us.  It is much harder to care for strangers, for people in power over you that use that power in ways you disagree with, and other such people.

When I say care, I don’t mean we have to approve of everything they do.  I care for people when I disagree with their choices.  But because I care, I cannot lie about how I feel about those choices.  I can refuse to answer – but when we truly care, we do not protect ourselves with lies.  We are lovingly honest – not honest to be cruel.  Cruelty shrinks the soul.  Caring honesty, honesty not for your own sake but truly for the sake of the person you’re speaking to, can make it grow.

And there are times when there is nothing we can do.  At those times, we should be quiet, and loving, and with the person that needs us.  We are all interconnected, and we grow and deepen when we love those around us honestly.

Questions:
How do you love honestly?  How do you care for those around you?
Why must you be honest if you care for the people around you?  How are you honest?
How do show your caring for people around you that are not your family or friends?  How do you care more generally?

What a bizarre word for death.  “Lost”.  Like they’re wandering around somewhere, if we could only find them again.

And yet, there’s truth to that.  There is no absolute death, no complete ending.  We leave this world, and that is horrible to those left behind.  But we are still in the universe.  Our breath still teases the wind, our voice lingers in the quiet of the night.  There is no ending.  There is a loss for those left behind, but there is no absolute ending.

Cold comfort, of course, for those left behind.  We cannot touch, cannot hold one that is gone.  Hearing a whisper on the wind reminds us of our pain, not the everlasting life of the soul.  But there comes a time when we can remember the good, not just the pain.  There comes a time when the voice on the wind is a comfort and not a trial.  There comes a time when we find it in ourselves to believe again in hope and life moves forwards.

Grief hurts.  There is no shame in missing the one we love, for we want them with us and not out in the Universe, scattered throughout the cosmos.  But grief is not eternal.  We are eternal and of the Divine, and when we lose our bodies, we gain the universe.

We are not lost.  We are not forgotten.  And our souls will shine again in the eyes of children to come.

When do people get souls?  At conception?  Quickening?  Birth?  Some completely different point?

I do not believe that souls are given and done.  We are not given a quantity of soul to never again change.  Souls grow, accrete, change.  We can grow our souls, if we are willing.

How does a soul grow?  Through opening ourselves to other people and loving them.  It shrinks when we close ourselves off and refuse to care for others.  To love, to be open, is to open ourselves to pain.  It is a risk, and a risk that is bound to cause pain at some point.  There is no love without pain.  But there is also no growth without love, regardless of the cost.

What good is a great soul, if it leads to pain?  It can also lead to joy.  When we close ourselves off so our soul cannot grow, we block off enjoyment of other people.  We stop growing, stop caring.  And we starve ourselves and the Divine.

When we grow our soul, we grow the Universe.  We grow each other, and growth leads to growth.  If we can grow our souls great enough, we can change the world.

Questions:
What does it mean to have a great soul?  What does it cost?
Do you allow your soul to grow?  Or do you try to keep it safe?
How can a great soul change the world?