Sustainable Living
August 18th, 2010 at 12:02 pm (Uncategorized)
Of all the people in the world, the one we most have to learn to live with is ourselves. There is no other relationship that is as important.
In a lot of ways this looks obvious. Of course we take care of ourselves. Of course we live with ourselves. How else would we live?
And yet, it’s not something usually spoken about. We do not have a relationship with ourself, that’s just weird. We are ourselves. A relationship requires give and take, exchange, all the things that happen between two or more. Not one.
And yet…
And yet.
We do give things to ourselves. We even say as much, that something is a present for ourself or that we are making or giving something to ourself. We have hobbies that we do simply to enrich our souls. All these things are part of our relationship with ourself.
And they are important. No one else will ever take care of you the way you do. When we trade time for ourself for time to someone else, we are sacrificing something. Which is not to say we shouldn’t – as I write this, I am planning to go out to my knitting group for the night. We all do things with other people, for other people. Community is built upon reciprocity. But I recognize that there is a cost and what it is. I accept it – but I also recognize it.
So we have to live with ourselves, and accept ourselves, and love ourselves. And give ourselves time. How?
Well, that’s tricker. Every person has to figure that out for themselves. Personally, I like knitting while watching science documentaries. My husband in the same situation would go mad. He loves to tinker with his model railroad, while I have no interest in railroads whatsoever. When we give ourselves the time for these hobbies, we enrich ourselves and become better people. When we find ourselves without time or energy for those things we love, we become cranky.
That is not the same thing as those things we need to do because having them undone irritates us. I don’t like doing dishes, but I like a dirty kitchen even less. Cleaning therefore has to happen, but it does not enrich us. It just keeps us from sinking. That is important. Equating the two can put a person in a pattern where they feel like they’re always taking care of themselves and yet still feel miserable. Truly caring for oneself does not lead to stasis, it leads to growth.
I recognize that hobbies are a luxury. Spending money on hobbies is money that cannot be spent on survival. Time spent on hobbies is time that cannot be spent doing something “productive.” But since when is productivity the best judge of what matters?
I do not knit because it’s productive. If all I wanted was socks, I’d go buy a whole pack of them for probably half the cost of the yarn for a single sock. But knitting makes me a better person. It enriches me. It feeds my soul. Productive is not the only rubric to live by. Money is not the only thing that matters.
Find what enriches you, and feed your soul.