In a lot of ways this looks obvious. Of course we take care of ourselves. Of course we live with ourselves. How else would we live?

And yet, it’s not something usually spoken about. We do not have a relationship with ourself, that’s just weird. We are ourselves. A relationship requires give and take, exchange, all the things that happen between two or more. Not one.

And yet…

And yet.

We do give things to ourselves. We even say as much, that something is a present for ourself or that we are making or giving something to ourself. We have hobbies that we do simply to enrich our souls. All these things are part of our relationship with ourself.

And they are important. No one else will ever take care of you the way you do. When we trade time for ourself for time to someone else, we are sacrificing something. Which is not to say we shouldn’t – as I write this, I am planning to go out to my knitting group for the night. We all do things with other people, for other people. Community is built upon reciprocity. But I recognize that there is a cost and what it is. I accept it – but I also recognize it.

So we have to live with ourselves, and accept ourselves, and love ourselves. And give ourselves time. How?

Well, that’s tricker. Every person has to figure that out for themselves. Personally, I like knitting while watching science documentaries. My husband in the same situation would go mad. He loves to tinker with his model railroad, while I have no interest in railroads whatsoever. When we give ourselves the time for these hobbies, we enrich ourselves and become better people. When we find ourselves without time or energy for those things we love, we become cranky.

That is not the same thing as those things we need to do because having them undone irritates us. I don’t like doing dishes, but I like a dirty kitchen even less. Cleaning therefore has to happen, but it does not enrich us. It just keeps us from sinking. That is important. Equating the two can put a person in a pattern where they feel like they’re always taking care of themselves and yet still feel miserable. Truly caring for oneself does not lead to stasis, it leads to growth.

I recognize that hobbies are a luxury. Spending money on hobbies is money that cannot be spent on survival. Time spent on hobbies is time that cannot be spent doing something “productive.” But since when is productivity the best judge of what matters?

I do not knit because it’s productive. If all I wanted was socks, I’d go buy a whole pack of them for probably half the cost of the yarn for a single sock. But knitting makes me a better person. It enriches me. It feeds my soul. Productive is not the only rubric to live by. Money is not the only thing that matters.

Find what enriches you, and feed your soul.

I welcome comments, additions, anything else you think belongs that I’ve missed.  I will also (hopefully) be keeping track and checking off the things that I’ve written, so you can watch as it gets closer to completion!

Pieces of the book may be posted here or at the Cauldron, as I see fit at the time, for critique.  Others won’t be.  Mostly depending on whether or not I want comments on that piece at the time.  So don’t be surprised by things that get marked off but never appear in public space.

FlameKeeping outline

• What is Flamekeeping
  • Definition of terms – explanation of chosen metaphors
    • soul flame
    • bright flame
    • dark flame
    • flame balancing
  • Why future focus
    • Where we’re going and why we want to go there
    • how technology changes philosophy
    • love of science and progress
      • intelligent and careful progress
  • Religion and Flamekeeping
    • Combining philosophy and religion
    • overlap and contrast
    • looking for the Divine in the world
  • polyvalent truth
  • No such thing as ultimate answers
  • the right to be wrong
  • I don’t know
• Inward look
  • Why how we treat ourselves matters
    • Ways to be gentle to ourselves
    • Why we celebrate ourselves
  • The difference between selfish and self-nurture
  • Coping with uncertainty
    • Life changes
  • coping with loss
  • experiencing joy
  • sustainable living
    • maintaining our environment
    • lifelong learning
    • meaningful employment
• Looking Outwards
  • treating each other
    • living with people
  • coping with conflict
    • victim blaming
  • ends and means
  • parenting
    • nurturing children
    • the next generation
• Community
  • differing beliefs, common goals
  • compromise
    • shades of gray
  • Equality for all
  • multiculturalism
• Divine Living
  • Finding Divine in ourselves
  • Finding Divine in others
  • Divine Children
  • Creating goals
  • moving forwards
• Becoming Phoenix
  • Ultimate goals – living up to potential
  • Stories of what may be

We have a right and a need to explore these paths, to find our truest selves, to be the best we can be.  And yes, there will always be obstacles to these paths.  There’s never enough money, enough time, enough energy to explore them all.  We have to make choices.

We have to make choices.  But we need to make them fearlessly.  And, more, we need to make sure we are not standing in the way of other people’s choices.

We all have gifts and skills to grant the Divine.  But when we are blocked, not by lack of ability but by prejudice and arrogance, the Divine itself is blocked.  When people stand in our way by declaring us uppity and undeserving not through our own lack but because of our background, they deny the Divine itself.

And when we stand in people’s way and deny them and their Divine selves, we deny the universe of what they could have been.  Perhaps it’s a path they could not have completed anyway.  But that is their own choice to attempt – not ours to deny.  Not because of things that have no bearing on the subject.  (Denying someone admittance to a science program because they cannot do the science only makes sense.  Denying them because they come from a bad school does not).

Imagine what the would could be like if everyone was given a chance to be everything they could be, instead of giving only the children of the richest that opportunity.  Imagine what humanity could be.

Questions:
How do you stand in other people’s way?  Is it valid gatekeeping?  Or is it something else?
How do others stand in your way?  How do you deal with that?
What would you do if there were no barriers?

I took that piece of truth and ran home with it.  And sat on it.

There’s an instinct when presented with a piece of Truth to want to hoard it.  We find it and we cuddle it close, or bury it like a squirrel with an acorn.  Then we guard it, keeping it from getting away.

But Truth does not thrive in the soil or hidden under the couch.  It’s not an acorn.  And Truth does best when we share it, live it.  Understand it.  We can’t take what we know and hide it away and pretend we’re living it.  We have to live Truth actively.  We have to share it, not with words, but with lifestyle.  We have to make it available to other people if they want it.

As well, we have to be open to other pieces of Truth, and not just cling to the piece we have.  It’s not enough to have ONE piece.  There are an infinite number of pieces out there, and we all cobble them together and try to find a whole.  When we cling to one piece and deny other people’s Truths, we deny the universe itself.

Questions:
What pieces of Truth do you have?
What do you do with what you have?
How do you keep from hoarding Truth and blocking out more?

Someone that is willing to speak instead of be silent when they see a future they don’t like coming.

FlameKeeping should be a religion of prophets.  Not one – not me, speaking the truth once and forever held invioble after.  No – I am one voice of many.  I may be first, but my voice is not stronger or better than those that come after me.  I build this upon a synthesis of what has come before, and what comes after me will be a similar synthesis.

That’s not to say the old should just be thrown away for the sake of newness.  There needs to be a balance and intelligent thought put into what is kept and what is updated.  But updating happens.  Synthesis happens.  And we all have within us the ability to be a prophet and speak the truth, if we are willing to take that risk, that holy calling.

Be a prophet.  See the truth.  Speak the truth.

Live the truth.

Questions:
How do you speak truth in your life?  How do you avoid it?
What are the consequences for speaking truth?
What are the consequences for being silent?

This is not to say we need to know everything before we start to create ourselves.  That’s impossible.  But we must continue to learn, continue to explore the world around us.  And we must make learning something that is available for everyone, FlameKeeper or not, so that the Divine can learn and grow.  Just as we build ourselves on what we know, so does the Divine.

When learning is the enemy, we deny ourselves the chance to grow.  When our schools are nothing more than warehouses for children, we cheat them their future.  Education is the basis for everything.  When people are encouraged to seek information on their own and grow by their own choice, the world changes.

Education and learning isn’t simply something we do for ourselves.  When we learn and grow, and share what we know freely and with kindness instead of as a cudgel, we can improve the Divine.  Without knowledge, what we do is merely flailing in the wilderness – even if it turns out to be the right choice, we won’t know why.

Questions:
How do you encourage learning in your own life?
What do you think of education?  Is it a necessary evil or something you seek out?
What’s something you want to know and do not?  Seek it out and try to learn about it, then share what you know with someone else.

It’s a lie.

We are a communal species.  We might not always agree and we might not always like what we are, but we are a communal species above all else.  Without other people, we are not fully human.

So what does this mean?  It means we have to engage with other people intelligently.  We can’t just say that they’re there to serve us.  Every person is Divine.  Every person has needs and desires and wants to be treated well.  When we treat other people well, we deepen our community.  When we treat people as items, we damage it.

Which is not to say that we can’t protect ourselves against those that would destroy our community.  But we cannot act preemptively to close people out of community to protect ourselves.  A person alone, a group alone, they are dangerous because they are needing.  We must be welcoming to those that need people, for we need people ourselves.

Be open.  Not stupid – but open.

Questions:
How can you be open to other people?  Are you?
How do you close yourself off from people?  Is this healthy?
Who do you treat as an object and why?

Meaning: The Writer is internal power over internal causes, as the Scientist is internal power over external objects. It is a card of mastery and introspection.

Upright, this is a card of power over oneself. It’s drawing forth one’s inner power to create, not for others but for oneself. It is, however, a sign of exclusion as well. There is nothing for the writer but the computer and herself.

Reversed, the card’s meaning is one of isolation for the sake of control. The outside world is cast away for the sake of holding control over what is inside. It is the kind of isolation that can lead to madness, for the illusion of control can overcome the reality of the outside world.

Meaning: This is the person that clings to what has been done without regard to whether it’s the best way or not. This way usually works in some fashion, but it’s often the long way around at best.

Reversed it’s a sign of being blinded to the reality of the situation. Upright it’s a way that works – reversed it’s a way that holds to the past but denies the present.

Meaning: The scientist is a person in control of the situation.  All the major building blocks are in front of her, and she studies them.  A scientist studies and finds meaning in what’s in front of her.

The dark flame behind the scientist speaks to the fact that it is a card of introspection, not outward motion.  Objects of power are on the desk, but not in use.  But they are available to be used if needed.

This is a card of the power of introspection.  It is a place of control and mastery of the world with the mind.  It can be a sign of control.  When reversed, it can be a sign of inertia – of focusing on the problem instead of doing something about it.