Keeping the Sacred Flame

I often hate the “please analyze my dream” questions that I see on The Cauldron.  It’s always a question that makes me wary.

That’s not to say all dreams are garbage.  I routinely mine my dreams for my fiction ideas, along with vague ideas of what’s been bothering me or other clues to my emotional state.  I have been granted by Apollo at least one “healing dream”, in which I was given knowledge that drastically helped my physical state.  I absolutely don’t think dreams are garbage.

But most dreams are.  I don’t think dreams about me running through giant houses looking for things (one of my standards) really means much.  Nor do the ones where I’m back in high school needing to take one more class to graduate.  Most dreams don’t mean much of anything.  I can dream romantically about people other than my husband without it meaning that there’s a problem in my relationship (or even that I’m interested in the other person, though I’ve never had one of those dreams about a real person, thankfully).

I think listening is a good thing.  But I also think discretion in what we hear is NECESSARY, because otherwise we’re going to be chasing dream fragments instead of living.

Questions:
What do dreams mean to me?  Most of the time?  Random static.  Occasionally something meaningful.  But I assume static first, unless I absolutely am sure it’s something else.

Would I hear a message in my dreams?  Depends on the message, probably.  I’ve heard some.  But I wouldn’t really know if I missed them.  In any case, I’m inclined to skepticism.

What does it mean to use discretion?  I don’t mean to doubt absolutely everything.  But dreams that mean something should be different from regular dreams.  If you can forget it, it probably doesn’t mean much.  If you can’t forget it, it might mean something.  But if it’s forgettable, it’s not worth chasing after dream fragments to try to build messages out of them.

What are dreams? Nothing more than the mutterings of a subconscious mind, tossing ideas back and forth? Or are they more?

Most dreams are probably garbage. We all have dreams about going back to high school, having teeth fall out, finding ourselves somewhere naked. And while they mean something about our emotional state, they’re not deep cosmic meaning dreams from the Divine.

However, some dreams have meaning. Sometimes we are reached out and touched, or we put something together, that we can’t quite grasp in waking life. When a dream resonates with you, touches something deeply, it can have great meaning, even when it isn’t easy to figure out. Gods speak in riddles and with portents, not usually clearly and obviously.

We need to be open to being spoken to in our dreams, just as we need to use discretion and common sense in interpreting what we hear.

Questions:
What do dreams mean to you?
What would it mean to get a message in your dreams? Would you hear it?
What does it mean to use discretion about dream messages? Do you over-think your dreams, or under-think them?

Yup.  I hate it when people demand to be excused, or treat it as a right, for their bad behavior.  And I see it all the time.  There was a short time I even tried to get away with it.  (what the hell, it worked for other people, right?)  Thankfully, it went over like a lead balloon.

I used some pretty strong language in there, too.  I called it abusive behavior, and that always comes up with pictures of someone getting hit.  But there are ways to hit that don’t use fists.  Forcing someone to deal with you when you’re not being acceptable, and using family or shared friends or anything else as your excuse to behave boorishly IS abuse.  You don’t have that right.  No one does.

One thing I didn’t touch on was something like a cultural difference.  And certainly, with cultural differences there’s room for adaptation.  But there’s also right and wrong.  If the person who moved in next door came from a place where calling women walking by themselves a slut is correct, I’m not going to take it because that’s “his culture”.  There’s what’s acceptable and what’s not acceptable, and using culture as an excuse is also no excuse.  It’s one thing to be different.  It’s another to be wrong.

Questions/Answers
Who do I make excuses for and why?  Lately, my mother, and usually I’m making those excuses to myself.  We come from completely different ways of looking at the world, and sometimes I feel completely steamrollered by her opinions on things.  I know she cares, and I know she wants what’s best for me, but it frequently feels like there’s only room for one opinion and it’s hers.  (and I’m even making excuses there, aren’t I?)  I don’t make excuses for anyone else in my family, and I don’t make excuses regularly for friends, but I just can’t seem to help it on this one.

Do other people make excuses for me?  Not that I know of.  If they did, I’d evaluate the behavior.  I might keep it: sometimes people make excuses for things that I do on purpose.  At that point, there’s not much I can do about it.  I AM like that.  But I give people the right to just not like me!

How does this behavior damage the Divine?  Every time someone excuses behavior that they think is wrong, they’re saying that some people don’t have the same rules as the rest of us.  It’s an excuse, a pass.  Everyone else must follow the rules, but not /this/ person.  But why?  How does that person get a pass and no one else?  When we say that this person gets forgiveness and other people don’t, we’re limiting that person’s growth.  We’re saying they can’t, not that they won’t.  And that’s not fair to anyone.

(note: for all of this, I assume it truly IS a won’t.  Someone with actual neurological problems who can’t change things is something else.  But if you can change it and won’t?  That’s a problem).

“She’s a good person, you just have to get to know her.” “You have to understand, that’s just the way he is.” We all make excuses for other people. But why do we do it, and what does it mean?

We all have idiosyncrasies that our nearest and dearest overlook. Things like leaving socks in the living room, or always jingling change, or other habits. And none of them are all that important. There comes a point, however, when what we’re talking about goes from minor idiosyncrasy to major problem, and the language never changes.

What does it mean to excuse people of their actions? Sometimes it’s a sign of friendship. If someone truly does get overloaded, it would be ridiculous to hold a grudge because they couldn’t do everything they wanted to. But it’s a problem when someone accepts insults and denigrating behavior because “that’s how they are”. It’s a problem when someone’s only interaction with you is their use of you, but they never have time for what you need. It’s a problem, basically, when it becomes abusive, though that’s a hard line to see for yourself.

But listen when you say, “if you knew him, you’d understand” or any words like that. Listen when you excuse others (or yourself!) for things you wouldn’t accept from a stranger. Ask yourself if the excuse is worth it, and if you’re being taken advantage of. There’s no virtue in being stupid, or in giving to people that only take. And ask yourself, too. Do people need to make excuses for you? Are you the sort of people that you “have to get to know?”

This behavior goes against the Divine, as well. When you excuse someone’s poor behavior, you’re excusing the fact that they’re hurting you and you’re allowing them to stay “safe” so they don’t need to grow. It gives them a dangerous and sick power to not need to improve themselves, because people will put up with what they do. This shouldn’t be something we accept for ourselves. If we’re only tolerable with excuses, we’ve let down the Divine.

Questions:
Who do you make excuses for? Why?
Do other people make excuses for you? Why? Why do you continue the behavior?
How does this behavior damage the Divine?

When I look at humanity, I am amazed.  We are crass, banal, and uncaring.  We are profound, loving, and exalted.  We are both at the same time.  We are, of those options, those that we choose to be and strive to be.

The trick is, of course, to be exalted and not banal.  Loving instead of uncaring.  Profound instead of crass.  And this is not a minor trick, either.  It’s difficult to know how to strive and reach.  I don’t have any easy answers as to how to reach out and become a greater person than you currently are.  What I do know is, when we don’t reach and strive, we stagnate and become people we might not really like.

It’s hard to give up on bad coping mechanisms.  Or even coping mechanisms that work but hold us back.  Even when the threat is gone, the coping mechanism remains.

Questions:
Do I let myself grow, or hold myself back?  It depends on what specifically we’re talking about at the moment.  Some things, I’m good at not pulling back.  But it’s hard to be constantly open, constantly giving.  There are times I want to pull back and not-be, to go hermit in the wilderness somewhere.  But openness is better than being closed off.  (somewhat selective openness, though.  There’s no virtue in being open to people that are going to hurt me and I know that.  But it’s also not wisdom to close everyone off because some people hurt me).

How attached do I get to coping mechanisms?  I really don’t think this is one of my big problems, except for hermiting.  Withdrawal always seems to be an option, to me, and sometimes it’s the wrong answer.  Sometimes you need to stick it out and fight it out, and I’m often unwilling to do that.

What does it mean to let my spirit fly, and can I let go of control for it?  It’s miraculous, and transformative.  When I can let go and just be, I feel like I can do anything.  (not in the crazy jumping off buildings type of do anything, by the way).  It gives me power in myself.  And that power is within all of us, if we’re willing to harness it.

We walk, along the ground, one by one. We can look up and see the birds, and wish to be of them, and so we created airplanes. We look at the stars and wish to see them closer, and so invented space shuttles and the space program.

For all of human history, we have been looking, expanding. We want to know, to experience, to create. It is what we are. It is what we do. Without reaching, expanding, trying to become more than what we were collectively and individually, we begin to die.

Creation and creativity are the cornerstones of what it is to be human. When we refuse to change and adapt, we refuse to engage in what we are. It’s easy to be stuck in a rut and be comfortable where you are, even when that rut doesn’t fit us right. It’s easy to become attached to our weaknesses, individually and as a group. It’s easy to say we can’t. It’s much more difficult, and more meaningful, to say we can. To work towards an objective, and then dissolve the coping mechanism that got us there when we don’t need it anymore. To grow.

If we allow it, our spirits will fly on wings of flame.

Questions:
Do you let yourself grow, or do you hold back? Why?
How attached do you get to the coping mechanism that lets you handle your weakness? Does that help you or hold you back?
What does it mean to you to let your spirit fly? Can you let go of control enough to let it happen?

Or, heck, call it Guru Day.  I’m going to.

Today’s the day we get to celebrate me!  It’s my birthday, and I’m generously sharing it with all my followers.  Isn’t that nice of me?

Today’s the day to reflect on what FlameKeeping has meant to your life, and reflect on what you can do for others as well.  As with all things, you get out of it what you put into it.  Are you giving enough?

And, you know, it is a birthday.  Time to party in commemoration!

I’ve never been comfortable with the idea of salvation.  The more I thought about it, the more it never felt right to me.

For one to need salvation, there needs to be something to be saved from.  But there is nothing outside the Universe.  There is no Hell to be sent to if you don’t follow the rules, only yourself to live with and the Universe to contend with.

I really wasn’t sure if I should even write this essay, because it seemed to only contrast FlameKeeping with Christianity as opposed to working on distinguishing what FlameKeeping actually is.  But sometimes pointing out what something isn’t is important to, and the concept of salvation is so written into our culture that teasing it out is important.

There are no Prince Charmings.  There are no perfect figures that come to do the impossible and save you from yourself.  If you’re stuck in a tower, you need to find your own way down, not wait for someone to rescue you.  In this world or any other, there’s no answer that doesn’t come from inside yourself or from the imperfect people around you.

Questions (and answers):
How do I cope with the fact that I can never be perfect?  A kind of relief, actually.  If I can’t be perfect and I’m always going to fail, I can take those failures in stride even as I work to be better.  If I COULD be perfect and I’m just not doing it, then those failures are a lot more meaningful and awful.

What does no salvation mean to me?  It means I have to get off my butt and do things for myself.  It means that I have to can’t wait to be rescued.  And it means that what I do has meaning, too, because there isn’t someone else that can do it perfectly.  Just me doing what I can with what I have.

What does it mean to have no certainty and only myself to measure against?  Again, it’s a freedom.  An uncomfortable freedom, but freedom is always uncomfortable.  It’s constraints and regulation, imposed from within or without, that are comfortable and easy to handle with.  But having only myself to strive against as well as for means that I am responsible for my successes as well as my failures, which gives me impetus to keep on trying!

FlameKeeping has no salvation-concept within it. In fact, salvation is incompatible with FlameKeeping.

To need be saved, there needs to be a problem with what you already are. We believe that people are, while not perfect, already what they should be. There is room and need for improvement, but not a need for guilt over the fact that we are imperfect creatures.

We’re far from perfect creatures, of course. There are many things we could do better, understand better. There’s not a day goes by that we don’t make mistakes that have hideous consequences. But there’s no one to rescue us from that except ourselves. The more we look for a rescue from someone or something outside of ourselves, the more we limit our view to what we can do ourselves.

There’s a large desire in many people, if not all people, to find certainty. Being a sinner and needing salvation can be a certainty for many people. Or we find another way to create certainty in our lives and afterlives, for ourselves and other people. We measure our “goodness” against another person’s to measure our “progress”. But these are false measurements and false certainty, because we don’t have anyone to measure ourselves against but ourselves.
There are no easy answers. There is no easy way to deal with our spirituality. And there’s no answer which will give us an “out” from our own misdeeds and failings. But we also don’t need one.

Questions:
How do you cope with your failings? How do you cope with the fact that you can never be perfect?
What does there being no salvation mean to you? Why is salvation incompatible with FlameKeeping?
What does it mean to not have certainty? To have only yourself to measure yourself against?

Modesty is a tricky issue. I have a high value on modesty as a clothing-issue for myself: I don’t feel a need or a desire to flaunt my body, and I’m uncomfortable in body-flaunting situations. I like clothing, both on myself and other people. I’m much the same way with my mind. I want to keep my inner self properly clothed.

This doesn’t mean there isn’t a time and a place to be proud of oneself, physically or mentally. I think modesty often gets admired because modest people don’t get in the way of vain ones. If all the “proper” people don’t speak up about what we’ve done or who we are, the only people that are visible are the ones that are improper. Fair or not, modesty can be crippling if carried too far. Wait too long for someone to notice your accomplishments, and you wind up dead and unnoticed while other people celebrate the results of what you’ve done.

The question, I think, when asking whether or not to be modest, is whether or not modesty serves your needs at the time. If you’re trying to prove that a program you’re in does good work, you can’t be too modest. You need to show all the work you’ve done. That doesn’t mean you should brag and claim things you haven’t done. Simply that honesty and modesty should not be in contradiction to each other.

Questions!
What does modesty mean to me?  I think modesty is opposite to bragging, not opposite to truth.  I think it’s immodest and really quite tacky to run around bragging, whether that’s about your figure or about your accomplishments.  But that doesn’t mean it’s bragging to be proud of yourself and your accomplishments, either.  Simply that, as in so many things in life, discretion is a virtue.  Talking about your weight loss to someone that’s been struggling with it can be bragging.  Talking about it to someone that’s also accomplished it is simply celebrating accomplishment (if you’re not challenging each other, of course).

How modest is too much?  Not enough?  Modesty is too much when it gets in the way of your life.  If you can’t ever tell the boss why you deserve a raise, you will never get one.  People don’t notice what other people do nearly as much as they notice what they do themselves.  On the other hand, if you can’t have an accomplishment without telling everyone about it, no matter how minor the accomplishment, that’s not nearly enough modesty.  Ask yourself if we even care before you bother telling us!

How do I react when people around me are immodest?  Usually I get irritated.  We are all the center of our own Universe, so it does seem like what happens in our lives is of critical importance.  But it’s very important to remember we’re only the center of our own Universe, not everyone’s.  When someone is routinely bragging about their life as though they’re the center of everyone’s Universe, I get infuriated with them and do my best to avoid them as much as I can.  There’s a time and a place, and when you can’t realize that, well, then I don’t want to have to deal with it.  What does that say about me?  That I have a low tolerance for draaaaaaaaama!

Modesty is one of those words that means many different things to different people. Is it skirt hems or not bragging about accomplishment? But it’s all of the same piece: how much do you show what you’ve done/what you are, and how much do you hide it?

Modesty is a good thing. No matter what’s been done, standing up and bragging about it at every opportunity obscures the accomplishment and leaves only the bragging. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t speak up.

We’re often told that we shouldn’t speak up about what we do. But our society only rewards the people that do speak up. This leads to confusion and a mixed message, leaving people feeling only that they’re doing something wrong.

There are no easy answers. There is no one right way to be modest enough and not too much. The point is that modesty needs to be examined. There is nothing wrong with being proud of what we’ve done. There’s nothing wrong with being proud of how we look, too. The problem comes in when the pride of what we’ve done overshadows what’s really there, and we cease to listen to the world around us.

Questions:
What does modesty mean to you? Why?
How modest is too much? How much is not enough?
What does it mean to you when the people around you are not modest? What does your reaction say about them? About you?