Keeping the Sacred Flame

It’s hard to come out of isolation.  It’s very easy to feel safe in the shell.  My neighbor, for the first few years I lived here, thought I was kept locked in the basement, she saw me so rarely.  And in a way, it was true.  I almost never left the house.  I didn’t want to.

But it’s impossible to do anything really useful for the world around you when you cut yourself off of social contact.  I can’t help people I don’t see.  I did things for my husband, and a few friends that I saw, but otherwise isolated myself.  And I was comfortable that way, but that doesn’t make it healthy.

Now I live much more out in the world.  I take my son outside regularly, because he deserves to have a social life even if his mom wants to be a hermit.  And I try to remember that if I’m going to live up to my potential, that means being social.  I can’t just wait for people to come to me and tell me what they need.  I have to be out in the world.

It’s hard, of course.  It’s never easy to leave one’s comfort zone.  But what good would I do for the world if I kept myself cut off from it?

Questions:
Am I more isolated than I could be?  There was a time I would have said yes.  Now I feel more overextended than underextended.  I’m still somewhat isolated, because I spend my time writing, and that’s a career that lends itself well to isolation.  But I also reach out to those around me whenever I can.

When I was more isolated than I could be, it was because I don’t like people much.  I have a very hard time doing small talk and understanding the unwritten rules of social groups.  I never know what’s acceptable and what isn’t.  It’s easier now that I can talk about my son, because bragging about your kid is always a social *norm*.  But it’s still hard sometimes.

What can I do outside my shell to improve the Divine?  I can talk to people.  I can work on these essays, and the commentary, which is absolutely outside my comfort zone.  I don’t like baring myself like this.  And I try to be an authentic-me wherever I go.